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I used to hate the moving of the clocks to and fro twice annually, but now I really dig it.
That's the kind of guy I am — I change my mind about stuff. Politicians, take note.
Daylight Savings Time, with its “springing forward” and “falling back” of the clock, used to strike me as an unnatural and unnecessary artifice, a man-made construct designed to further our dependence on the tyranny of the clock. But now I see that the opposite is true.
The friendly and benevolent clock somehow feels our pain, and kindly stops for an hour, once a year in the fall, and we wake up the next morning feeling psychically healed, well-rested and strengthened, ready to face adversity.
This is not unlike Joshua asking God to hold the sun still in the heavens (Book of Joshua, 10: 12-13) so the Israelites could finish the slaughter of their enemies the Amorites. Actually it's not like that at all.
“Hold on, horologophile,” I hear you, dear reader, say. “If the clock is so benevolent, as you suggest, what about the ‘spring forward?' If the clock were so kind, why would it allow such suffering? Is not, in fact, the ‘fall back' that brings such relief from pain, more the standard practice of the torturer, a Gestapo tactic that induces us to ‘sign the papers,' so to speak, out of relief? And thus we continue our blind obedience to a malevolent and machiavelliam chronometer?”
Nonsense, I say. We are not the wild deer, wand'ring here and there. The human soul needs tempering. The spring forward is designed to give us wisdom and depth. The fall back gives us joy and exuberance. We humans need L'Allegro and Melancholy, Yin and Yang, Tick and Tock — though personally, I can do without the Melancholy, Yang, and Tock.
Enough of this debate. I am fully prepared to advocate, using my position, my enormous influence and immense prestige, that the changing of the clocks by one hour actually take place every week, Saturday at midnight, throughout the year. This would have a soothing effect not unlike a three-day weekend every week — well, it would probably have the opposite effect, as every other week would be like having a one-day weekend.
Still, wouldn't it be great to wake up, once a fortnight, saying, “Wow, I'm glad that week's over. But now I feel great, and am really looking forward to the week ahead.”
Of course, who really looks forward to anything anymore, what with our endless scurrying hither and yon in blind obedience to that malevolent, uncaring — I mean, gracious and kindly clock.
I'll go further, and suggest that the clock be switched every midnight, forward then back. This would serve to give us one good night's sleep, after a restless sleep-starved night. Additionally, it would reassert our domination over that clock — may it be forever damned — that rules our every second, telling us when to eat, sleep, wake, work and worry, driving us all crazy with its ‘tick tick tick,' as if it were saying “See? Another second of your life vanished like a puff of smoke.”
On the other hand, having our times change every day would inevitably lead to chaos, though I believe a certain, small degree of chaos promotes creativity and resilience. Actually, now that I think about it, I don't believe that at all. The resulting anarchy would bring our society down in shambles, and we'd all be like the wild deer, wand'ring here and there, except we'd all have guns.
See what this Daylight Savings Time can lead to? It's detrimental to our very lives, and must be dispensed with. Lobby your Prime Minister, and the Federal and Provincial Ministries of Time.
Man, I wish it was time to eat.
