Once again, we’d like to extend rather large and copious greetings from the Malaprop Institute, where one of our latest mottos is, “If you think things are bad now, just wait until people start coming up with nifty solutions.”

Our crackerjack teams of researchers, investigators, and apologists have been working like drones exploring the intricacies of the global economy. One thing we’ve uncovered is how the Canadian perspective on these matters can sometimes be like the view through the bottom of a sturdy soda pop bottle, but, on the whole, there appears to be a relentless hope amongst the population that no matter how confusing it gets out there, somebody MUST have a handle on things.

Part of this hope lies in our accumulated wisdom about workings of the Canadian economy. Over the years, we’ve come to accept a number of events and developments in our day-to-day lives as normal for a thriving society. The following quiz put together by our Wake Up and Smell the Coffee Secretariat may help to clarify this.

1.Targeted taxation policies are an important part of a national economic strategy because: a) the benefits derived from our resources must be distributed fairly to all citizens; b) it’s important to keep track of who can get you elected; c) it gives everyone an equal right to complain about bad roads; d) when Robin Hood passed away, nobody wanted to apply for his job because the benefit package was lousy.

2.True or False: Whenever the dollar goes down, the price of gasoline might go up.

3.True or False: Whenever the dollar goes up, the price of gasoline might go up.

4.True or False: Whenever the dollar is stable, the price of gasoline might go up.

5.True or False: Whenever the sun rises in the east, the price of gasoline might go up.

6.If the Canadian economy was a movie, it would have been directed by: a) Tim Burton; b) David Cronenberg; c) Sergio Leone; d) the Cohen brothers; e) Alfred Hitchcock.

7.Mary has managed to scrape together $2,000. In order to ensure that the money will be there when she needs it, her best bet would be to: a) invest it in mutual funds; b) buy stocks with it; c) leave it in a savings account; d) lend it to a friend; e) let her parents keep it on a shelf in their root cellar.

8.True or False: Canadian income tax was originally brought in as a temporary measure to help pay for a war.

9.In Canada, taxes and other similar levies are applied: a) at the time of resource extraction; b) at the time of manufacture; c) at the time of value-added manufacture; d) at the time of distribution; e) at the time of further distribution; f) at the time of sale; g) at the time of resale; h) all of the above. (NOTE: We would have included “none of the above,” but the question was getting fairly long and we thought, in terms of a possible answer, it would really be a waste of space.)

10.True or False: Whenever the economy is doing well, we must all sacrifice.

11.True or False: Whenever the economy is doing poorly, we must all sacrifice.

12.True or False: Whenever there is a shift in the ocean’s tides, we must all sacrifice.

13.Which looks more impressive in an official government report — a smaller number of well-paying, full time (with, at best, only a couple of zeroes) jobs, or a larger number of poorly-paying, part-time (with a lot more zeroes) jobs?

14.Canada’s official “Tax Free Day,” defined as the time of year you are no longer making money just to pay taxes, is now calculated to be: a) March 15; b) April 30; c) June 6; d) July 17; e) September 22; f) Oh, please, can’t you just leave me alone and let me enjoy my drink?